"Maybe you're pregnant if you're feeling so sick," my hubby said to me as I lay in pain on our couch last night.
After several seconds of stunned silence (from me), I finally was able to respond, "No, I don't think so. It's too early."
The reason I was stunned was this was the first time, ever, that hubby had said the word PREGNANT in my presence. See, when we got married, hubby swore he didn't want kids. It almost broke the engagement because, although I wasn't positive that I wanted them, I also wasn't willing to rule it out at that point. He finally settled on the statement that he didn't want them then, but he MAY change his mind later.
I was blown away that he didn't want them because he is SO great with kids...all kinds, any kids...they all love him. He doesn't hesitate to get down on the floor and wrestle around, or sit on the couch and watch a silly movie, or do magic tricks, or read books, or play make believe, or help them with art projects. In fact, at most parties where kids and adults are both there, hubby usually disappears with the kids to play...instead of hanging out with the adults. His argument was always that he didn't have to deal with them when they weren't having fun anymore...not a bad argument, but I've always known that he would make an awesome dad.
Last year sometime, my biological clock finally started ticking (at age 32, it was about time!). It started out slowly, and was helped along by many many many announcements of pregnancies by friends and family. Hubby started to cave in on his ultimatum of no kids...either he'd woken up and realized how great a Dad he would be or I finally wore him down. We agreed that once we left CA, we'd start trying.
That was 9 months ago.
I have several friends who have had fertility problems, and they have been wonderful resources for me as I learn things about my body that I probably should have already known. My good friend Paulette loaned me an awesome book that has taught me SO much, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. I found out that there are some pretty basic things about reproduction that I had no idea about. I hope my new knowledge will help us speed things along.
I've always wanted to be a young mom (if I became a mom), but I also wanted to establish my career and have time with my husband before I started a family...funny how those 2 things don't match up. And I went through a time where I didn't want to have kids because I was afraid of the pain of giving birth. I'm still very afraid of that part, but my desire to have a child that is part me and part my husband has far outweighed that fear (at least for the time being!).
Somewhere in the last several months, I think hubby has come to have the same desire of me. I'm not sure if it was there all along and he was keeping it in, or if he has a bio clock that has started ticking, or if maybe all the time he's spent with his nieces lately has had an impact, but I'm glad that he's looking forward to children as much as I am now. It will make our journey together that much more exciting and special.