Thursday, October 30, 2008

Life is fragile.

I’ve always known that, but sometimes it hits harder than others. When The Colonel and I first got married and moved far away from everyone we knew and loved (besides each other, of course), we had to completely rely on each other for everything. It was a good way to start out a marriage – there was no running to mom or dad when we had a fight, we had to start our own holiday traditions, and we spent A LOT of time together. I clung to that time – sometimes in an unhealthy way. I had this crazy fear that I needed to spend as much time with him as possible because what if he didn’t come home one day, what if the world ended, what if??? And it went on and on. I turned down activities with new friends b/c I wanted to be at home with my new husband...even if we were fighting, even if we NEEDED time apart.

I just felt like if something bad were to happen, I wanted to know I’d spent as much time as I could with him, that I’d told him I loved him and that he KNEW I felt that way. As time passed, I relaxed and realized The Colonel DID know I loved him and that it was GOOD for us to spend time apart.

So, 7 ½ years later – enter Lil Major…and enter my fears again. But add to it that I can’t get enough of cuddling and kissing that cute little boy. AND, add to it that tragic things happen all around me. I KNOW God is in control, and that He has a plan, but I want to have the perfect little family where nothing bad happens to us. And maybe we will…only God knows. In the meantime, I will continue to fawn all over my boys – big and small, and I will continue to pray and praise God for giving them to me.

But, sad things are happening to others even though my little family is living in bliss right now.

My next door neighbor passed away this week. He was 62. He battled cancer for the last year or so, and he was finally relieved of his pain on Tuesday. He leaves behind a loving wife and 2 children and 2 grandchildren. We didn’t know him very well, but I’ve gotten to know his wife over the last couple months. She bought Lil Major a cute outfit a few months ago and called to say she was going to bring it over. Then things got hectic. She had to get hospice care for her husband, and Lil Major outgrew the outfit that he never got. So, she went out and bought him another outfit, and brought it over. She didn’t have to do that – she had enough to deal with. But, my son’s smile and giggles and hugs brought her a little joy in a scary time.

My dad is training to be a pilot. He used to fly when I was a kid, but he has to recertify since it’s been so long. What better place to do it than the air capital of the world, huh?? Anyway, he was scheduled to take a class a few weeks ago about an hour away from home, but it was postponed to last weekend in a different town about 70 miles away. But, he’s out of town visiting my sister, so he missed the class. He had been planning on riding up with the instructor. The instructor was killed in a car accident on the way to that class. My Dad could have been in that car...but he wasn’t. That gives me the chills.

A vibrant adorable sweet little boy died last week after his battle with cancer. He’s been an inspiration to many, but I can NOT imagine losing my little boy at such a young age.

I don’t know what my point is with this post, other than a reminder that LIFE IS FRAGILE. We can’t control it, we can just love others as we go through it, thank God for giving us each day, and rejoice when someone we love is called home...even though it makes us sad...for now.

In the latest Karen Kingsbury book that I'm reading right now, one of the characters was just reminded not to worry about anything, and to give everything to God. I think that God is reminding me about that right now...through this post, through things happening around me right now. Here's a passage of scripture that talks about that.

Phillipians 4:4-7
4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always! Again I will say, Rejoice!

4:5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.

4:6 In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.

4:7 The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.


Eliza said...

What a good reminder. I never want to take any time with my family for granted!

shell said...

Wow. Life does seem to get more precious when you have a little one, I have definitely realized that as well. If I let my mind wander too much, I get all freaked out about stuff like that, too.

Heather @ A Boy, A Girl, A Pug said...

I am doing a post related to yours right now. Thanks for the inspiration!

Jenn said...

Shaun and I went through that exact same thing when we moved far away from family right after getting married. I'm glad now, made me even more independent and stronger. Thanks for the reminder and thanks for mentioning Michael...his family is doing as well as can be expected.

Lynette said...

Life is so fragile, wea re so blessed with the moments that we get with our loved ones.
That passage in Phillipians is one of my favorites as I tend to worry!

Terri said...

you've a lot on your mind I see and boy do I remember. I think you are so much more vulnerable and aware when you are a mom, glad dad wasn't in that car. Your family has had their fair share of heartache this year.